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Their kiss lasted for several moments, before Skye pulled away, breathless, surprised, happy, confused....it was all so overwhelming!
Jax saw her expression. "Skye?" he asked with a tinge of uncertainty in his voice.
"Yes?" Skye squeaked out.
Jax put his hand on her shoulder and rubbed it gently. "Was what I did okay?"
"Oh Jax," Skye said, regaining some of her composure. "It was more than okay. It was wonderful."
"Then...then I don't understand the problem. If it was wonderful, why do you look so scared?"
"That kiss was.....amazing. But Jax, I don't know if I can handle it, handle you. I was so sure, but now that you're actually here, really here...." her voice trailed off. She hoisted herself up on the edge of the pool and pulled herself out. She sat down, her legs dangling in the warm water. Jax follwed suit.
"Go on," Jax said, taking her hands. Skye turned to look at him.
"Jax, if there was a prize for most miserable love life, I would have it, plated in gold and hanging on the wall in my office. Love, real, pure, true love for me has always been elusive. I get close, but yet...it's something I have never actually been able to get my hands on. When I fall for a man, I fall hard. And it always comes back to bite me in the butt. I give a man my heart, and he chews it up and spits it out. After a few times....or a dozen times, it seems....you just don't want to ever, ever get hurt like that again."
"And you shouldn't," Jax said.
Skye continued, "And so I thought. After I finally wised up and dumped my last "love of my life"...." she paused to give a quick sarcastic laugh at the thought of him..."I thought, no more problems with men. I am a strong, talented and capable woman. I can live my life just fine by myself, for myself. But then, you, Mr. Jacks, you walked into that charity auction, and...well your amazingly bright blue eyes grabbed my attention right away." She stopped to chuckle, and Jax joined in.
"They're not even coloured contacts, you know," he joked.
"Well, my my!" Skye giggled. But then her voice returned to a serious tone. "And then, we kept bumping into each other....or should I say...I kept coming up with ways to aggravate you...but the more I saw you, the more I got to know you....well that familiar feeling came back again. And especially after our time in Louisiana, oh Jax....I was just gone. Totally. I wanted to be with you...needed to be with you. I thought I could be brave and take a chance...but now, with that completely consuming and overwhelming feeling I just had when you kissed me....I'm a little scared Jax." She looked down at the water.
"Hey," Jax said, taking a strand of wet hair that had fallen in her face, and brushing it behind her ear, "You don't have to be embarrassed. I'm scared too. I thought I would never give my heart to anyone ever again. I thought that part of my life was over and done with. But then you came into my life.....aggravating me, as you put it....but really making my life fun too. The past year, my life just seemed like it was on autopilot, you know? Like I was functioning, doing business as usual, but I just wasn't really there. But when I began to spend time with you....I learned how to laugh again, how to have fun. And when I realized my feelings for you ran deeper than I had thought...I felt afraid too. I felt scared, and guilty...so I tried to ignore it. I didn't think it would be fair to act on them, not to me, not to you, and.....and not to Brenda." Things went silent for a minute, each both unsure of what to say next. Then Jax began to speak once again.
"Brenda had been my whole life, my whole world. When she died....it was as if my life was over too. Then I met Chloe, and yes, I did love her too. But it wasn't that same type of love. And when I thought Brenda was alive....I did a really rotten thing and left Chloe behind to chase after my dream. And when it turned out Brenda wasn't alive after all.....it had actually been her cousin Olivia that I had seen. We talked for a while, recalling our good times with Brenda. But when it was over....I took a look at myself and my life. And the whole thing with Chloe just seemed so wrong, so unfaithful. I vowed to never be with another woman again so as not to dishonour Brenda's wonderful memory. And then, when I began to spend time with you, I saw it was happening all over again, and I didn't know what to think. When we almost kissed back at the Club, it was too much for me to handle. So, I ran."
Skye looked at Jax with wide eyes. "So what changed?"
Jax sighed. "You might think this sounds ridiculous...."
"I promise, I won't. Go ahead."
"I dreamed about Brenda last night."
"Um....do you want to talk about it?" Skye asked gently.
Jax nodded, and cleared his throat as he remembered all the details of the past night....
Jax lay on his couch, reading a business document, when he saw Skye's signature on the paper. To his surprise, he began to blush. My goodness, he thought, I'm falling for her. This is all wrong!
He threw the document on a table and closed his eyes, trying to shut out all these thoughts that he knew he should probably not be having. A few moments later, he opened them. He was confused; the room suddenly had a glow to it, a soft white light filling every inch of it. He squinted his eyes, when suddenly, a luminous figure came into view, standing by the fireplace. Brenda!
"Brenda!" Jax exclaimed. "Is it....could it be...Is it really you?"
"Yes Jax," she said softly. "I needed to see you."
"Oh my God, Brenda!" he leapt up off the couch and made his way towards her. He tried to wrap his arms around her, but felt nothing. Jax was confused.
Brenda laughed. "Oh Jax...you can't hug an angel. Didn't you learn anything from those magical stories we used to read together?"
"An angel?"
"Yes Jax. I know it's probably hard to believe, but I'm an angel now. And I came because I need to talk to you."
"O-okay." he murmured, overwhelmed by the presence of his great love.
"Jax, I've been watching you for a while now. I'm afraid I am upset with what I see."
"What do you mean?"
"You're so alone."
"Oh Brenda...I've just been trying to honour you, remain faithful to you."
"My dear sweet Jax. It breaks my heart so see you so lonely, so sad, so full of pain. I want you to be happy, Jax."
"I don't know if I can be without you," he said wistfully.
"Yes, Jax, you can. You have shown me that on several occasions. You do appear sad and lonely most of the time, but I've also seen you smile and laugh.- when you are with that Skye woman."
Jax looked down at the mention of Skye's name. It made him feel so guilty. But Brenda was right; he did enjoy himself immensely when he shared her company.
"She does make me smile," Jax said, his tone beginning to brighten.
"And that is wonderful. You have very deep feelings for her, don't you Jax?"
"I couldn't."
"Jax..."
"I shouldn't."
"Jax, that's not what I'm asking. I'm asking, do you have feelings for this woman that run deeper than friendship?"
After a moment, Jax reluctantly answered. "Yes, I do. I'm so sorry Brenda."
Brenda put up her hands. "Don't apologize to me, Jax! You don't need to do that. I love you, and I want you to be happy. There's no way you can be with me, but that doesn't mean you can't give your love to others. Nothing would make me happier than to see you truly happy as well."
"Really?"
"Really. I mean it Jax; don't hold back your feelings for my benefit. Because the more I see you do that, and be pained because of it, the more awful I feel. So go for it Jax! Tell her how you feel. Be with her, and be happy."
"That's really what you want?"
"Jax, you have my blessing." she paused to giggle. "And I can really say that, because after all, I am an angel." Jax joined in on her beautiful laughter.
"It would really make me happy...."
"So go for it! Take a chance. I'll be by your side, watching over you the whole time Jax."
"I love you Brenda. Thank you for doing this for me."
"I love you too Jax. Now go and make both you and Skye happy. Good luck Jax. Goodbye."
"Brenda, wait! Can't you stay a little longer?"
"I'll always be here, Jax," she said, motioning toward his heart. Just then, a gold chain appeared on his neck, the end of it touching where his heart was. "Goodbye."
"Goodbye," Jax replied softly. And with that, Brenda was gone. Jax closed his eyes, trying to possibly understand all that had just occurred.
When he opened them, the room was back to normal. No white lights, no Brenda. No trace of what had just happened...or had it? Jax rubbed his eyes. It had all seemed so clear. He got up and as he was walking across the room, he glanced in the mirror....the chain was still around his neck! He touched it, smiling. Could it be? Could Brenda really have been here? Jax looked upwards and blew a kiss. He was so grateful for what had happened, whether it be a dream or reality. He now knew what to do. Brenda had made it possible to see that his feelings for Skye were okay. He lay back down on the couch to get some much needed rest...tomorrow would be a very important day.
Skye wiped away tears as Jax finished his story.
"Oh Jax...I hardly even know what to say."
"It's okay. I just wanted you to know. And I also want you to know that I will be by your side, too. I will never leave you, and I will never hurt you."
Skye was so touched, so overwhelmed with love for this man. But, with all he had just admitted to her, she felt a twinge of guilt. She took a breath. She knew what she needed to do.
"Jax, you don't know how much it means to me that you let me in like that. But now that we're being all open and truthful....I haven't been honest with you, and I need to tell you the truth now."
"Okay. I'm listening."
"Well...Jax...I...." Oh, Skye was so bad at this! Telling the truth was never her strong suit. How should she go about it? After contemplating for a moment, she decided to just blurt it out and get it would over with. Then she could think about dealing with the consequences.
"Jax, remember those threats from Sonny a couple months ago? I...I made them up. All of them. Well, actually AJ did some of them and I didn't find out until after, and I was pretty mad at him, but then I...." Skye took a deep breath to calm down. She knew she was rambling again. "I lied to you about the threats, Jax," she continued. "I thought I would lose you if you had no reason to be with me. I thought you were only interested in me as long as I was a way for you to get back at Sonny, so I wanted to give you a way, and...and enjoy your company in the process."
Jax was silent for a moment. Skye tried to read his expression; she couldn't. Finally, he opened his mouth to speak. Skye braced herself for the lashing of a lifetime.
"I know."
That was it? "What?" Skye asked, totally baffled.
"I had it figured out all along. I spoke to Sonny about it, and I can tell when the man is lying. I could tell he was being truthful when he said he never threatened you. And the way Edward would call you, and you'd hurry to his side...that raised my suspicions as well."
"So, if you knew...why didn't you just chew me out and leave me, for being a lying, manipulative witch?"
"I wanted to be certain. And I wanted to give you the chance to tell me yourself, to see if I could trust you."
Skye couldn't believe this. Here she had been expecting a horrible attack. But still, she felt ill at ease. Maybe it was still coming. People who were disappointed in her never ceased to let her know.
"And Skye, you told me the truth. You proved yourself."
"And you're not furious with me?"
"Well Skye....I can't say I'm not...." his voice trailed off, trying to find the right word. He knew how much it hurt her to be called a disappointment, and he didn't want to do that.
"I can't say I liked being lied to," he said at last. "What you did was selfish and manipulative. I don't enjoy being played for a fool. But....I know you weren't trying to hurt me. You were just trying to find a way for me to take you seriously. You wouldn't have had to do that if I had been honest about the way I feel. Me shutting you out only pushed you further to make up the things that you did. In a way, I guess it's partly my fault."
"No Jax. Don't say that. I'm the one who screwed up big time. Me. I just...I just can't believe you don't hate me right now."
"Skye," Jax said, looking her straight in the eyes. "I could never hate you! I know how much you've been through, and I'm trying my best to understand why you did what you did. I cannot stand that you lied, but that doesn't change the fact that my feelings for you are deep. And the fact that you told me the truth...I really appreciate that. If I had asked you again, point blank, if you fabricated those threats, and you had lied to me...well things might have been different. But you didn't even make me have to ask. You came clean, and that's what matters. We both screwed up Skye, so I guess....you could say we're even."
Skye looked at him in disbelief. Never before had she seen such a forgiving person.
"So you forgive me?" she said meekly.
"Yes, Skye, I forgive you. But....if we are going to have any sort of relationship, it has to be built on trust and honesty. I don't like being lied to...and I would appreciate not being lied to again."
"Oh Jax," Skye said, eyes wide, "I promise. I will never, ever lie to you again. I know I am a deeply flawed woman, and I make wrong decisions constantly. But I vow that no matter what, I will be honest with you."
"I'm glad to hear that," Jax said.
"But....oh Jax. You're such a good, caring man, and look at me. I'm a mess. I'm afraid that you deserve so much more."
"Skye," he replied, "I stopped looking for perfection a long time ago."
Skye wasn't sure what to say, whether that was a compliment or not. So she just answered, "I see."
"Hey." He put his hands on her shoulders. "Just because I wasn't looking for it, doesn't mean I didn't find it."
Skye's heart melted. She leaned forward and pulled him into a passionate kiss, to which he responded eagerly. As the sun set, the two of them sat by the pool, totally wrapped up in each other. Neither could believe their happiness. The lying was over, and the truth had won...and nothing could stop them now.
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